All posts tagged
football
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October 27, 2010Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Really? You’re cheering for Michael ‘I Murder Animals’ Vick? Get the hell out.”
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June 14, 2010Non-Essential Mnemonics: Stop crying. Never cross Stevie Wonder. Muzzle that hurtful, nasty woman: Pelosi. Nuke Moscow. Soooooo overdue. Never trust Malaysian geishas to giggle well. They giggle horribly. After Clinton, this nation didn’t fix itself. I fixed it!
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February 5, 2010I Am the Man Who Paints His Entire Head and Face to Resemble the Helmet of His Favorite Football Team
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November 2, 2009Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Steroids Ruined Baseball. Lemme at Those Cheaters! [Expletive] A-Rod!”
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October 27, 2009Monologue: Matt Saracen, Dillon, Texas High School Quarterback, Plays in His First Game Back Since Visiting The Art Institute of Chicago as a Prospective Student
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December 22, 2008Recovered Scenes From the Tragedy Plaxico by William Shakespeare
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October 1, 2008List: Starting Lineup for the Fantasy Football Team “Last of the Mohicans.”
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February 1, 2008List: NFL Players Whose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian, and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel (2007–2008 Regular Season Edition)
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February 1, 2008Famous Authors Predict the Winner of Super Bowl XLII
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November 28, 2007Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist: A Good Lesson
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 8, 2018Matreon: The Patreon Platform for Emotional Labor
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October 10, 2018My Common App Essay: “Every School Reading This Except Dartmouth Sucks Ass”
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October 1, 2018List: Honest Greeting Cards You Should Expect From the Women In Your Life This Week
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October 12, 2018I Am Sick and Tired of Constantly Being Bullied for My Extreme Wealth and Political Power
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October 12, 2018List: Appropriate Moments to Respond With Lady Gaga’s Guttural Howl From the Song “Shallow”
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October 12, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Daily Disaster
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October 12, 2018We Regret to Inform You That We Won’t Be Publishing Your Gym Advice