All posts tagged
football
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October 27, 2010Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Really? You’re cheering for Michael ‘I Murder Animals’ Vick? Get the hell out.”
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June 14, 2010Non-Essential Mnemonics: Stop crying. Never cross Stevie Wonder. Muzzle that hurtful, nasty woman: Pelosi. Nuke Moscow. Soooooo overdue. Never trust Malaysian geishas to giggle well. They giggle horribly. After Clinton, this nation didn’t fix itself. I fixed it!
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February 5, 2010I Am the Man Who Paints His Entire Head and Face to Resemble the Helmet of His Favorite Football Team
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November 2, 2009Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Steroids Ruined Baseball. Lemme at Those Cheaters! [Expletive] A-Rod!”
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October 27, 2009Monologue: Matt Saracen, Dillon, Texas High School Quarterback, Plays in His First Game Back Since Visiting The Art Institute of Chicago as a Prospective Student
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December 22, 2008Recovered Scenes From the Tragedy Plaxico by William Shakespeare
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October 1, 2008List: Starting Lineup for the Fantasy Football Team “Last of the Mohicans.”
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February 1, 2008List: NFL Players Whose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian, and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel (2007–2008 Regular Season Edition)
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February 1, 2008Famous Authors Predict the Winner of Super Bowl XLII
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November 28, 2007Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist: A Good Lesson
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August 8, 2018The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
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November 12, 2015Maybe I Should Stop Bringing Up My Cat So Much When People Tell Me Stories About Their Kids
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August 15, 2018List: Table of Contents From Sorry, You’re Kind of Fucked: The Only Child’s Survival Guide
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August 14, 2018List: Other Transportation Metaphors Besides “Helicopter Parent”
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August 17, 2018OUR Wedding is All About YOU
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August 17, 2018List: A List of Things I’ve Said to Men this Week Instead of “You’re Wrong,” or “No” to Spare Their Feelings, Even Though They Were Wrong and I Knew the Right Answer
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August 17, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Ordinary Hands
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August 17, 2018Welcome to The Middle, an Enchanted Land Where Compromise and Civility Get Results