football

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Really? You’re cheering for Michael ‘I Murder Animals’ Vick? Get the hell out.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Stop crying. Never cross Stevie Wonder. Muzzle that hurtful, nasty woman: Pelosi. Nuke Moscow. Soooooo overdue. Never trust Malaysian geishas to giggle well. They giggle horribly. After Clinton, this nation didn’t fix itself. I fixed it!

I Am the Man Who Paints His Entire Head and Face to Resemble the Helmet of His Favorite Football Team

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Steroids Ruined Baseball. Lemme at Those Cheaters! [Expletive] A-Rod!”

Monologue: Matt Saracen, Dillon, Texas High School Quarterback, Plays in His First Game Back Since Visiting The Art Institute of Chicago as a Prospective Student

Recovered Scenes From the Tragedy Plaxico by William Shakespeare

List: Starting Lineup for the Fantasy Football Team “Last of the Mohicans.”

List: NFL Players Whose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian, and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel (2007–2008 Regular Season Edition)

Famous Authors Predict the Winner of Super Bowl XLII

Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist: A Good Lesson