football

List: Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl

List: Quote from a 2010 Brett Favre Post-Game Interview, or Last Words of a Dying Celebrity?

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Really? You’re cheering for Michael ‘I Murder Animals’ Vick? Get the hell out.”

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Stop crying. Never cross Stevie Wonder. Muzzle that hurtful, nasty woman: Pelosi. Nuke Moscow. Soooooo overdue. Never trust Malaysian geishas to giggle well. They giggle horribly. After Clinton, this nation didn’t fix itself. I fixed it!

I Am the Man Who Paints His Entire Head and Face to Resemble the Helmet of His Favorite Football Team

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Steroids Ruined Baseball. Lemme at Those Cheaters! [Expletive] A-Rod!”

Monologue: Matt Saracen, Dillon, Texas High School Quarterback, Plays in His First Game Back Since Visiting The Art Institute of Chicago as a Prospective Student

Recovered Scenes From the Tragedy Plaxico by William Shakespeare

List: Starting Lineup for the Fantasy Football Team “Last of the Mohicans.”

List: NFL Players Whose Names Sound Vaguely Dickensian, and the Characters They Would Be in an Actual Dickens Novel (2007–2008 Regular Season Edition)