ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Bobbie Armstrong
Bobbie Armstrong is a copywriter and humor writer in New York City. She’s probably taking a nap right now.
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June 7, 2021Just Because I’m a Democrat Doesn’t Mean I Believe in Something Crazy Like Guaranteeing Everyone the Right to Vote
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May 28, 2021Firing Me for Calling the Police on a Black Man Minding His Business Is Racial Discrimination
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April 28, 2021Baba Yaga Announces That She Is Distancing Herself From Tucker Carlson
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March 30, 2021Lil Nas X’s Music Video “Montero” Offended Me So Deeply I’ve Spent the Last Three Days Watching It Over and Over Again
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March 1, 2021How to Succeed At Apologizing for Sexual Harassment Without Really Trying
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 2, 2021I Am Dr. Frankenstein, and I Condemn the Actions of the Monster I Created and Did Nothing to Stop
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January 4, 2021Please, Sir, I Want 11,780 More Votes
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December 14, 2020You Can’t Call Yourself a Woman Until a Man Has Written a Wall Street Journal Op-Ed on Why You Don’t Deserve the Title You’ve Earned
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December 3, 2020Even Though We Have Done Nothing Wrong, I, Vito Corleone, Am Pardoning My Entire Family
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December 1, 2020Let Me Teach You How to Teach Other People How to Teach Other People How to Freelance
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November 23, 202033 Everyday Tasks That Are Easier with a Penis
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian