The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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September 21, 2010The Artist Plays Basketball
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September 14, 2010I am a Birthday-Party Magician in a Midwestern Town
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September 8, 2010The Only Juggalo Graduate Student Hangs Up the Hatchet
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August 31, 2010A Father Tells His Eight-Month-Old Son to Scatter His Ashes On Top of All the Places That This Asshole He Knows From Work Is Going to Have His Ashes Scattered
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August 16, 2010A Guy With Food Poisoning Prepares to Take Back a Hijacked Plane
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August 5, 2010Buddy Holly Posthumously Accepts His Posthumous Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
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July 7, 2010I Am the Period at the End of This Paragraph
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June 22, 2010We Are Going to Turn This Fake Christmas Tree Into an Art Piece So I Don’t Have to Haul it Down to the Basement Again
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June 15, 2010I’m Comic Sans, Asshole
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May 31, 2010Friedrich Nietzsche, Chain-Restaurant Bartender
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May 24, 2010The Guy Who Wrote the Floating Text at the Beginning of The Empire Strikes Back Critiques the Floating Text of Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi, Using a Series of Animated PowerPoint Slides That Involve a Number of Compromising Photos of George Lucas
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May 14, 2010A Man Who Donated His Big Toe to His Wife Asks For it Back Now That They’re Getting a Divorce
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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