McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 14, 2008Heart for Sale, Slightly Torn
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February 5, 2008I Can’t Remain Your Girlfriend Just Because Your Best Friend Is in a Coma
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January 29, 2008Fellow Grocery Shoppers of Checkout Line No. 6
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January 22, 2008An Orca Goes Drinking, Talks About His Career
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December 20, 2007Jesus Christ Decides He Doesn’t Want to Celebrate His Birthday This Year
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December 18, 2007Let Me Assure You, Joanie. I Am Freezing
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December 11, 2007Blake, Alec Baldwin’s Character From the Movie Version of Glengarry Glen Ross, Motivates Some Fourth-Graders
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November 28, 2007Christopher Robin Stages an Intervention
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November 13, 2007An Inarticulate, Self-Consciously Ironic Voice of His Twentysomething Generation Makes an Opening Statement for His Client in a Corporate-Fraud Case
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November 6, 2007My Workplace Eulogy, as Given by My Boss, in Office Jargon
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October 23, 2007In the Early ’70s, a Chicago Native Approves of the Sears Tower Construction, in Anticipation of It Beating the World Trade Center for Tallest Building in the World
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October 9, 2007After Organizing an Emergency Eight-and-Three-Fourths-Year Reunion, a Late Bloomer Shares Some Important News With Her Class
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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