The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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March 31, 2014This Authentic Food is Delicious, But I Think My Mouth is On Fire
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March 26, 2014Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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March 13, 2014I Should Get the First Lifeboat Because I Am In Advertising
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February 26, 2014Henry David Thoreau Can’t Take Much More of These Goddamn Steam Whistles
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February 18, 2014The General Manager of the Philadelphia 76ers Apologizes to the Team’s Fans
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January 31, 2014A Puppy Bowl Coach’s Pre-Game Locker Room Speech
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January 24, 2014Noted Sociologist Elemér Hankiss Serves You Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins
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January 6, 2014I’m Just a Fucking Cat
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December 23, 2013Blanche DuBois Gives You a Tour of Her Company’s Christmas Party
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December 19, 2013I’m the Best Story Idea You’ve Ever Had
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December 18, 2013Thornton Wilder at 15
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December 9, 2013Kirk Cameron Records the Audiobook Version of the Dinosaur Erotica Novel In the Velociraptor’s Nest
Trending 🔥
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 2, 2025Templates for Thanking President Trump
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May 2, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Delroy Lindo
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May 2, 2025I Just Turned Forty, and Steely Dan’s Entire Discography Mysteriously Appeared on My Phone
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household