The Believer Magazine
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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August 11, 2014The Owner of Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach Addresses Some Nasty Rumors
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July 8, 2014I’m the Guy Who Ties the Scarves onto Steven Tyler’s Mic Stand
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June 26, 2014A Few Words from the Scientist Who Invented Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet
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June 23, 2014A Bear Explains How to Survive a Bear Attack
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June 16, 2014I Feel Like I’m the Only One Who’s Trying to Get This Narcissist Support Group Off the Ground
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June 5, 2014Hi, I’m the New Guy With a Really Bad Cold
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May 29, 2014The Toothbrush You Just Threw Away Has Some Questions About the Seven 12-oz. Mountain Dews in Your Trash
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May 12, 2014A Traffic Report Interrupted By a Stolen Sandwich Interrupted By a Jackknifed Tractor Trailer Hauling Mannequins Interrupted By a Midlife Crisis
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April 30, 2014Yes Girl, I’m a Yupster
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April 22, 2014I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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April 18, 2014The Holy Spirit Reacts to Jesus Sitting At the Right Hand of The Father
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April 15, 2014An Accountant Helps a Manic Pixie Dream Girl with Her Taxes
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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