McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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November 27, 2013A Turkey Has a Few Words to Say About Turduckens
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November 21, 2013Selfie’s Word of the Year Acceptance Speech
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October 31, 2013Frankenstein Have Big Night Ahead of Frankenstein
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October 24, 2013I Will Continue Spending Money at Your Restaurant Until I Finish Your Placemat Maze and Not a Second Longer
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October 3, 2013I am Clarence Fahnestock Memorial State Park, and This Government Shutdown is My Time to Shine
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August 8, 2013A High School Chemistry Teacher Pitches a Product to Investors
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July 31, 2013The Coach of the Youth Basketball Team That Sells Candy on the Subway Breaks Some Bad News
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July 25, 2013A Difficult Second Album Meets its Band
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July 11, 2013Your First Short Story Speaks
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June 21, 2013The Higgs Boson Calls a Press Conference
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June 12, 2013A Business Card Laments
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May 29, 2013I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
Trending 🔥
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 9, 2025US News & World Report’s Best Remaining Colleges, 2028
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April 18, 2025The Elementary School Disciplinary Record of Jesus Christ
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May 2, 2025Templates for Thanking President Trump
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May 2, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Delroy Lindo
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May 2, 2025I Just Turned Forty, and Steely Dan’s Entire Discography Mysteriously Appeared on My Phone
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May 1, 2025We Oppose Income Caps on the Ultra-Wealthy, but We’re Totally in Favor of Limiting the Number of Dolls per Household